


Moving On

by Kirasuva



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alchera, Cerberus - Freeform, Collector's (Mentioned), Commander Shepard - Freeform, FemShep - Freeform, Gen, Implied Attraction, In Universe Examination, Mass Effect 2, Missed Connections, Normandy Memorial, Normandy-SR1, Post-Virmire, Reflection, Remembrance, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 08:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18567472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirasuva/pseuds/Kirasuva
Summary: As Commander Shepard walks among the wreckage of the Normandy-SR1, her thoughts turn to those she's lost.





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> I've played Mass Effect a million times, but I had just left Kaidan on Virmire for the first time when I wrote this. This is the first fic I've ever posted anywhere, I hope you like it.

Shepard never knew she could feel this cold. Even Noveria couldn’t compare to what she was feeling now. She understood that it was mostly in her head as her armor had environmental controls, but being on Alchera had given her a chill that had seeped into her bones and made her feel like she would never be warm again. It had been weeks since she had woken up and found her entire life turned upside down. Instead of fighting for the Alliance, something she did with her full heart and soul, she now had to work with Cerberus, a group she did her best to destroy only two years earlier. It was tearing her apart. Shepard knew she was doing the right thing, and no one else would believe nor help take down the Collectors. Even with most people believing that she was a traitor and was crazy, it didn’t make it easier. Cerberus may be helping her, but it wasn’t out of the goodness of their heart. With each rumor that he released, The Illusive Man himself ensured she was isolated from what she cared about and bound even tighter to him.

As she continued to roam the wreckage of the original Normandy she tried to push Cerberus from her thoughts. This was a sacred place and Cerberus was not welcome. She had already found most of the dog tags of those who had perished in the crash, but each one had made her guilt even worse. Why her? Why did she get to be brought back, but these 20 men and women, people who deserved a second chance at life as much as she did,  why did they all remain dead without a chance? Her death had still seemed unreal, but the debris left her with no doubt. No wonder Ashley had been so angry on Horizon. She had witnessed what happened to Shepard and that could have only increased the guilt that had been building since Saren’s attack on Eden Prime and the mess that was their mission to Virmire. So many people had died around her, instead of her. Shepard could forgive Ashley’s anger and harsh words easily and hope that in time her best friend would come around.

While she had been thinking about Ashley Shepard had stopped paying attention to where she was going and ended up in the area she had been trying to avoid. As soon as she stepped into the mess hall, Kaidan’s face flashed into her mind. She had been falling for him, hard and fast but one wrong choice on Virmire had lead to his death. There had been no chance to mourn for him, and now that she was alone all the walls she had built to keep herself strong came crashing down. As the tears came streaming down her face her legs gave out and she sank to the ground. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she remembered all the time she had spent with him. All the stolen glances when no one was looking, the lingering touches and flirting that had eventually turned into love. He had helped her and supported her through everything and she let him die. That was something she would never be able to forgive herself. 

After a time her tears dried up. She had to finish her mission to destroy the Collectors, then figure out how to stop the Reapers. And though he was gone from this life, a part of Kaidan would still live on in her heart, giving her strength and hope. Finally getting her chance to mourn the man she had loved but could never be with, Shepard was able to move on.


End file.
